Tuesday, February 19, 2008

Angry Journalist

This site is hilarious: AngryJournalist.com

Here's a snippet, to tantilize you:

"Angry Journalist #593:

1. I don’t like that news managers think we should all live and breathe news when we walk out the door. Fuck you, assholes.

1.5 In my free time I’m going to participate in any political event I care about. I don’t give a shit about ‘how people view our credibility as journalists.’ Way to fight illogical attacks on journalism with illogical defenses. I thought you people were supposed to be smart.

2. I can’t stand graphic designers that somehow don’t know how to convert inches to pixels. IT’S RIGHT THERE IN PHOTOSHOP YOU MORON.

3. I don’t like seeing young journalists scoff at the Internet. I never knew there were Luddites under 30 until I started working in the news business. I hate you people.

4. I don’t like watching editors, publishers, GMs, and PDs do the same crap over and over again despite declines in readers, listeners and viewers.

4.5 I don’t like when they think jumping on the Britney bandwagon will save them. It’s a short term band-aid AT BEST.

5. I can’t stand reporters that complain when asked to write tighter, shorter stories. Look, nobody wants to read more than 30 inches of bullshit about anything printed in a daily paper. Ever. People have children and friends and lives. Because you don’t have these things doesn’t mean your readers should suffer.

6. I hate hate hate when people insist on their dumb fucking ideas. Maybe you tards should just take no for an answer once in a while, eh? I know what I’m doing. The Internet isn’t for fucking quizzes and photo captions and god damned spinning graphics. How would you like it if I came to your desk and asked you to write in pig latin because it’s cute or use comic fucking sans or invert the colors on your photo BECAUSE IT WOULD BE REALLY COOL?

6.5 Asking me questions is fine. I’m not a dick and I’m willing to give you feedback. But every time you act like I’m personally attacking you when I tell you I have other things to spend my time on, I want to repeatedly smash my face into a wall. Until I die. In front of you.

7. No I won’t help you set your desktop background. And no I don’t have a God complex, you’re just a lazy moron who refuses to learn anything new. Google it.

8. If you want me to build your personal Web site, you’re going to pay me at least $40/hr depending on the scope of the project. That’s the going freelance rate. Think that’s high? Maybe you shouldn’t have gone into journalism.

8.5 I don’t care about your personal Web site.

9. I sometimes use unnecessary jargon because I know it confuses you and it is the highlight of my day. It’s also a good tactic to keep you from making me do really stupid things on your Web sites. I tell all my friends about it.

10. I really didn’t need to be in that hour long meeting that only contained 15 minutes of Web discussion. Seriously, just call me into the conference room when you get that part of the agenda."


kateco said...

oh the awful beauty.

re 8: $40? I remember $150, and even today I won't touch that poop for less than $60. Don't lowball us, dude.

Mark said...

I hate this site.

freda said...

I checked the site, so many pissed off people, they annoy me.

kateco said...

didn't have time to check the site, but the carp in the post cut close enough to some familiar truths to have me snorting.

But everybody has a right to hate the hatuhs ... and not every whiner is gifted -- as anyone who has ever worked in a newsroom will attest ...

kateco said...

ps that stat thing on your site is my new obsession