Tuesday, October 9, 2007

Drug Update: The debates

The debates make me want to take drugs. Or maybe, the debates make me feel like I'm on drugs already, and I just didn't know it.

"This guy's been in congress 30 years, and he's talking about what congress ought to do," Mark says of McCain.

Why do so many politicians seem so ludicrous and full of crap?

"Second citation for level playing field so far," Mark reports.

"Pimps and prostitutes," Huckabee says.

"The people who handle the bags and make the beds ... not able to afford health insurance ... a fair tax really lifts up everybody ..." Huckabee says.

"I'm a sponsor of the fair tax," says Duncan Hunter.

"Duncan Hunter? I've never even heard of him," Mark says. "He's probably some Orange County dude."

"More and more of those have gone offshore," Duncan says. "A bomber every 60 minutes ... fractured the industrial base ... most favored nation trading status ... 1.8 million high paying manufacturing jobs moved offshore ... countervailing duties. ..."

Brownback looks like he's had cosmetic surgery.

"Clearly ... we're taxed to the max! I'm not going to raise taxes ... the current tax code really is an abomination. Optional Flat Tax!" Brownback says.

I think he's dying his hair.

"They've got to weed out the losers," Mark says.

I agree.

30 second answers, says Matthews. Guiliani vs Romney.

"I cut the income tax," Guiliani says. "It's something I believe in."

Romney: "If you want to cut taxes you have to cut spending ... I'm in favor of the line item veto, I exercised it 844 times."

Giuliani: "The line item veto is unconstitutional. It's unconstitutional. What the heck can you do about that if you're a strict constructionist?"

"It's Baloney!" Romney says. Repeats some other stuff he already said.

"Bang your head against a stone wall all you want," Giuliani says. "I took President Clinton to court and I beat him."

"Giuliani cleaned his clock on that exchange," Mark says. "Coffee is what I'm thinking."

"50,000 Americans now make their living off Ebay!" McCain says. "My friend."

"Do something about illegal immigration!" Tancredo says.

His eyes are kind of buggy. He'll never make it.

Mark shows up with the coffee. Tasty.


Mark said...

Hey I'm the last guy around here who can mock a long post.

I'm just saying:

kateco said...

listen -- I love this post -- I laughed, I cried. We should stage it as a prose poem play. Fred Thompson could play Fred Thompson, Ted Dansen as Mitt Romney ...

Mich said...

Funny, I had the exact same dyed-hair comment. In my case, I said it in response to Gabby, who walked into the room and muttered her own 13-year-old's review of sorts: "Are these the candidates? Why are they all so old?"

Mark said...

Kevin Spacey as Huckabee.

Hal Holbrooke as Ron Paul.

Ed Harris as Rudy.

Don Knotts as Tancredo. Wait, he's dead. Knotts, I mean. That's ok, still works.

And while we're at it, Meryl as Hillary, Affleck as Edwards and that little guy in Bad Santa as Kucinich.

kateco said...